Can't Sleep

Tonight I am filled with many emotions and random thoughts - causing me to forget about the importance of sleep...
Tonight a family is grieving the loss of their husband/father/son
Tonight we are grieving the loss of a great friend
Tonight I am overwhelmed with joy that my brother is home from Iraq (if only for a short time before he is forced to return)
Tonight my other brother is away from home and I worry about his safety
Tonight my children are sleeping peacefully at Nana's house (with me)
Tonight my husband is miles away from me when I need him here to hold me in his arms and tell me that everything is okay
Tonight I am shedding tears
Tonight I wonder how my dad is coping with the loss of a great friend
Tonight I am thankful for my family
Tonight I should have told everybody "I love you" before they went to bed
Tonight I want to hold my children tight and never let them grow up
Tonight I am reminded of the circle of life
Tonight I feel disappointed and frustrated with our society
Tonight I am tempted to vent all of my frustrations
Tonight I wonder why I bother with this blog
Tonight I felt what it's like to have a sister
Tonight I appreciate the path that I am on, although I don't always know why
Tonight others are suffering like me and aren't able to express themselves - I hope that they know they are not alone
Tonight I am thankful to the friends who have offered support and opened my eyes to see the things that I was most afraid to admit
Tonight I wish that I was brave enough to tell the people who have hurt me the most that they have hurt me the most
Tonight I miss my husband
Tonight I wonder how many relationships have been ruined due to communication errors
Tonight I wish I had a copy of the four agreements with me
Tonight I realize what is important to ME
Tonight I am ready to stop letting the actions of others affect me negatively
Tonight I am content with my life
Tonight was a great night...
Tomorrow will be here before I know it
Tomorrow is a new day and I am prepared to face it

He will be missed

I just heard news today that a really great friend was involved in a motorcycle accident last night. Brad was a great friend and we will miss him very much. Collectively, my family has millions of memories of him and his family! It's hard to put into words how I feel about this, so all I can really say is that my thoughts are with his family.
We love you Brad ~ The Lewis & Gulliver Families

Congrats Welch Family

Damian Cooley

July 9, 2008

3:20am

6lbs. 14oz. ~ 19in

Congratulations Patrick and Liz on the arrival of Damian Cooley!  We love you guys so much and are so excited about the expansion of your family!  Oh yah - UBER CONGRATS on selling your house after a loooong two years!  We can't wait to have you closer :o)

We can't wait to finally meet Damian in person - what terrible timing on the summer colds!  Take care and get lots of rest!

The Breast-feeding Battle

My view on breast-feeding is one that didn't come to me until Irelynn decided to stop nursing.  I was devastated.  Although it was (at times) easier to throw a bottle of formula together, I truly missed the bonding that took place!!  She quit while we were on vacation, so I wasn't able to contact any of the resources that are available in the Grand Rapids area.  I tried to encourage her to nurse, but she would scream and I would cry from disappointment.  We had her 16-week check-up yesterday and Dr. Johnson filled me with a lot of encouragement and some great ideas.  When we got home, we tried, but ultimately failed.  I decided to call a leader at La Leche League.  I was hesitant at first, because I had always thought that their ideas were a little out in left field.  But, I was desperate for some answers.  I gathered up my courage to call Juliet at her home, hoping that she would be receptive and informative.  We talked about what was happening for a few minutes and she gave me a few ideas.  Irelynn doesn't fit the typical "nursing strike" baby, but instead of trying to figure her out, we focused on our options:

• Body-to-Body contact - this meant letting her access her food any time she wanted.  The best way to do this was to wear a low-cut tank top or carry her around underneath a baggy t-shirt.
• Take a bath with baby - this was to allow Irelynn full access and encourage exploration.  She suggested playing peek-a-boo with my boobs.  I guess I wasn't so far off when I thought their ideas were a little out there!
• Take baby to bed and sleep naked so that she could nurse for comfort if needed.

I was informed that most nursing strikes last at most for 9 days.  I was 6 days in... could I last 3 more days?  

During our conversation, Juliet told me two stories:

• For the first 9 months of her daughter's life (who is now 25), she would scream when she would take a bath.  It literally took both parents to bathe this child.  One day after a bath, Juliet carried her daughter into her bedroom and began nursing her (the only thing that would calm her after a bath).  The following words came out of her mouth:  It's just like before you were born.  Her daughter stopped nursing and looked up at her.  The next time she gave her a bath, there was no screaming.  Inspiring.
  
• Another leader friend of hers had adopted a daughter from another country.  She had heard of mothers nursing their adopted children, but didn't think that either of them would be interested in that because her daughter was a bit older.  She took that little girl to all of her monthly meetings at La Leche League.  After a few months of meetings, the little girl lifted up her mommy's shirt and started nursing.  They nursed together for about a month and mutually decided to stop.  There is hope.

I woke up this morning hopeful and inspired!  Irelynn had a bottle for her first feeding.  Now that she is sleeping through the night, she wakes up famished!  I was unable to pry the bottle away until she finished the whole 6 ounces.  Two minutes later, I was covered with projectile vomit - I wasn't surprised.  I stripped our clothing off and took Irelynn into the shower with me.  She loves the shower and played with the water while I washed up.  I realized that I was inadvertently trying a couple of options that Juliet suggested.  I held Irelynn close and thought that I could let her explore if she wanted to.  She was more interested in the water!!  Throughout the morning I kept telling her how much I missed nursing her and that it made me pretty sad!  At her next feeding, I decided to fill a bottle with water instead of formula, thinking that I would give her a choice:  either a bottle of water or mommy's milk.  She was MAD!  So, I warmed up her bottle and told her that she needed to calm down.  I told her that if she wanted a bottle she was going to have to be patient while I warmed it up.  She could have mommy's milk right away.  She hushed a bit and we went back to the chair.  She took the bottle and drank about an ounce before making eye contact with me.

As we locked eyes, I asked, "Would you like to try mommy's milk again?"

Much to my surprise, she spit the bottle out of her mouth and latched on.  She nursed until she fell asleep!

I am so glad for my persistence and communication with her, as silly as I thought it was at the time.  Who would think that this little 16-week old girl could actually understand what I was saying to her - she truly is amazing!

Even if this was a one-time-only occurrence, I will rest easy knowing that we tried our best!